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Wonky Flux Batch 2019 02
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Wonky Flux Batch 2019-02
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053 - Miscellaneous.dsk
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NERDS.txt
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CTRL-S STOP/START SPACEBAR TO EXIT
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\ SPOTTING AND KILLING NERDS /
/ \
\ BY: JOHN SMITH /
/ - & - \
\ SORCERER'S APPRENTICE /
/ \
\ 09/30/85 /
/ \
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
LESSON I: SPOTTING A NERD
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NERDS HANG AROUND WAR BOARDS TRYING TO
ACT COOL BY PUTTING DOWN WAR BOARDS
AND SAYING THEY ARE A WASTE OF TIME.
(THEY'D RATHER SPEND THEIR TIME DOING
THEIR ADVANCED CALCULUS III HOMEWORK.)
THEY MAY ALSO TAKE A DIFFERENT
APPROACH AND ACT TOUGH (THAT IS UNTIL
SOMEONE THREATENS TO BEAT THEIR ASS,
THEN THEY MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEAR.)
NERDS DON'T HACK OR PHREAK BECAUSE
THEY'RE AFRAID THEY'D GET CAUGHT AND
THEIR MOMMIES WOULD SPANK THEM.
ON SUGGESTION BOARDS, THEY ALWAYS
SUGGEST A HOMEWORK BOARD OR AN
INTELLECTUAL DEBATE BOARD SO THEY CAN
DISCUSS SUCH IMPORTANT TOPICS AS:
HOW TO KEEP AWAY FROM BULLIES, AND
HOW TO FIGHT INFLATION.
NERDS NORMALLY USE STUPID HANDLES LIKE
ELECTRONIC WHIZ, THE CRICKET, THE
BRAIN, CAPT. HOOK, MICKEY MOUSE, AND
ALBERT EINSTEIN. THEY MAY ALSO USE
NAMES THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH
THEIR ACTIVITIES OR PERSONALITY SUCH
AS THE STUD, OR THE HACK-MAN.
THEY CARRY AROUND BRIEF CASES WITH
IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS ON HOW TO SOLVE
THE LATEST CALCULUS PROBLEMS.
NERDS NORMALLY COME FROM POOR FAMILIES
WHO CAN ONLY AFFORD A TIMEX SINCLAIR
BUT THEY MODIFY IT TO MAKE IT AS
POWERFUL AS A MAINFRAME.
NERDS HAVE NAMES LIKE KEVIN SMITH,
EUGENE, WALDO, MARVIN, WILBUR, GILBERT
POINDEXTER, MYRON, MELVIN, NORBERT,
AND HOMER.
IN EVERY NERD'S ROOM IS A PICTURE OF
ALL THEIR TEACHERS, FAMOUS COMPOSERS
LIKE BEETHOVEN, AND ALBERT EINSTEIN
(WHO IS THEIR IDOL). THEY ALSO HAVE
PICTURES OF THE LATEST COMPUTERS.
SOMETIMES A NERD WILL PUT UP A BBS.
THESE ARE NOT TOO HARD TO SPOT.
1-THE NAME OF THE BOARD IS THE SCHOOL
HOUSE, THE CLASSROOM, THE COMPUTER
ROOM, OR THE KID KLUB.
2-THERE ARE 5 SUB-BOARDS DEDICATED TO
HOMEWORK (CALCULUS, LANGUAGE ARTS,
PHYSICS, BIOLOGY, AND TRIGONOMETRY)
3-THE TEXT PHILES ARE ON EXCELLING IN
MATH OR LANGUAGE ARTS MADE EASY.
THERE ARE ALSO PHILES ON HOW TO
GAIN THE MOST OUT OF LISTENING TO
TO BEETHOVEN AND ON THE CORRECT
PROCEDURE FOR TAPING GLASSES.
4-THE BOARD IS RUN ON HOMEMADE
SOFTWARE WITH ONE DISK DRIVE.
5-THE SYSOP IS ALWAYS AROUND TO CHAT
BECAUSE HE HAS NO FRIENDS.
6-ALL OF THE GAMES ARE PUBLIC DOMAIN.
7-THE BOARD MAY SOMETIMES BE BUSY A
LOT WHEN THERE IS NO ONE ON IT. THIS
IS BECAUSE THE NERD CAN'T STAND TO
NOT USE HIS COMPUTER FOR MORE THAN 2
HOURS.
SOME MORE NERDISH FEATURES:
THEY WEAR HORN-RIMMED COKE BOTTLE
GLASSES WITH LOTS OF WHITE HOSPITAL
TAPES HOLDING THEM TOGETHER.
THEY ARE AFRAID OF GIRLS AND THINK
THEY HAVE COOTIES.
THEY BUY A STEREO SO THEY CAN LISTEN
TO BEETHOVEN AND BACH.
NERDS THINK THAT DEF LEPPARD IS AN
ANIMAL THAT CAN'T HEAR AND WONDER WHY
RATT IS SPELLED WRONG.
THEY CRIED WHEN THEY SAW REVENGE OF
THE NERDS, BUT ARE GOING TO TRY OUT
FOR THE SEQUEL.
LESSON II: DESTROYING A NERD
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AFTER YOU HAVE SPOTTED A NERD, YOU
WILL PROBABLY WANT TO EXTERMINATE HIM
(OR HER) SO THAT SOCIETY MAY LIVE
BETTER WITH ONE LESS NERD.
A NERD WILL USUALLY HANGOUT IN THE
LIBRARY OR THE COMPUTER ROOM AT YOUR
SCHOOL.
ONCE SPOTTED MOVE TOWARD THE NERD VERY
SLOWLY AND WITH A QUICK MOVEMENT
REMOVE HIS GLASSES. YOU NOW HAVE THE
NERD BY THE BUNS (SO TO SPEAK.)
FIRST, TORTURE HIM BY STOMPING ON HIS
GLASSES. THEN TELL HIM HE GOT A 'B' ON
HIS REPORT CARD. BREAK ALL HIS PENCILS
AND SQUIRT THE INK FROM HIS PENS INTO
HIS FACE. (A TYPICAL NERDS CARRIES AT
LEAST A DOZEN PENCILS AND EIGHT PENS.)
NOW TAKE HIM TO HIS SCHOOL AND THROW
EGGS AT IT AND THROW A FEW SMALL HAND
GRENADES THROUGH THE WINDOWS (YOU
SHOULD NOW NOTICE HIM BEGGING YOU TO
STOP, BUT YOU'RE NOT THROUGH YET...)
DRAG HIM TO HIS HOUSE AND DESTROY HIS
COMPUTER, PUT HIS DISKS IN THE TOILET
AND PISS ON THEM. THEN TAKE ALL HIS
BEETHOVEN RECORDS AND SMASH THEM WITH
HIS VIOLIN.
BY NOW, THE NERD WILL BE IN A GIGANTIC
FIT OF CRYING AND SCREAMING. IF THE
NERD HAS NOT YET HAD A HEART ATTACK,
IT MEANS YOU HAVE A STRONG NERD SO
YOU MUST GIVE HIM THE OLD CHINESE
TORTURE...............................
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TELL HIM THAT ALBERT EINSTEIN
WAS A MYTH!
AFTERWORD BY SORCERER'S APPRENTICE
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
I'M SURE WE'VE ALL GROWN TO HATE NERDS
AND WE ALL WILL APPRECIATE HAVING THEM
KILLED WITH THE HELP OF THIS FILE.
A WASTED...
===->SORCERER'S APPRENTICE<-===
NON-COPYRIGHT (N)1985 BY JOHN SMITH
AND SORCERER'S APPRENTICE
NO RIGHTS RESERVED
CALL THESE BOARDS:
INNER REALM (COMMODORE) (313) 278-4832
DARK CASTLE (APPLE) (815) 729-0188
THE ARCHIVES (APPLE) (815) 344-0481
TWILIGHT PHONE (APPLE) (313) 775-1649
RED-SECTOR-A (APPLE) (313) 591-1024
(THE 4 APPLE BOARDS ALL HAVE 10 MEGS
AND AE'S)
(ONE OF US CAN ALSO BE REACHED AT ONE
OF THE ABOVE BOARDS IF YOU HAVE ANY
COMMENTS.)
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